Married Without Children

My latest obsession is Fiber One Chocolate and Oats bars.  Just take a look at these delicious, gooey, and yummy deliciousness.  I don’t know how you can’t be tempted just by looking at it!

Now, these come in a box of 5.  I bought 2 boxes on Sunday night.  That makes a grand total of 10 bars.  Today is Tuesday.  I have 0 left.  I ate ALL of them.  The Hubs might have had one, but I doubt it.  I just polished off the last 2 this morning.  One for my early 5:30 am breakfast and one for my 8:30 am breakfast/snack/whatever you want to call it.  I had one before dinner last night and one after dinner.  BUT to my defense I eat lunch at noon.  I go straight to the gym for Pilates on Mondays, therefore I don’t get home until almost 8 pm.  I was hungry.  Super hungry.

Here is my dilemma.  The fiber.  My tummy is more rumbly than Winne the Pooh’s.  I am gassier than a blimp.  I just effing love these things an I will never ever ever ever ever ever (get it) stop eating them.  But Hubs.  I think he could do without the gas.  Now I’m going to graze the TMI line here.  I have stinky farts.  There I said it.  I’m talking peel the wallpaper from the walls kind of stench.  At Pilates last night I was praying that none snuck out on me.  When I got home- I let loose.  I feel bad for Hubs.  I was a total stink ass yesterday.  But it’s all this effing fiber.  I though fiber was good for you.  I actually have a condition that requires me to eat a lot of fiber (more than the usual person).  When my fiber intake is low I take a supplement like Metamucil in order to keep my poops bowels loose in check.

Let me set the scene.  Hubs and I are sitting in the living room.  I am eating my sandwich, he is having leftover spaghetti and meatballs.

TPPPPSPPDFODIGJKGj; ufdjkjkls g;ljfsk;yjkr;skjdPPPPPPPPT

“Holy Shit you better check your pants,”  Hubs said.  “And wipe.”

I know right.  HOT.  Just imagine me in bed.  So please keep your distance.  I have an atomic ass fueled by Fiber One bars.