Married Without Children

I’ve only recently acquired this blog.  It’s new, shiny, fun, and is giving me the opportunity to fine tune my writing abilities.  I do have a dark secret.  I have another blog-The Misadventures of Mr and Mrs Anubis.

My old blog was really a diary.  I would record feelings, food issues, my actual food intake, and basically anything I felt like.  I am attempting a different angle with this blog.  I’m trying to be funny yet truthful.  Poignant and still blunt at the same time.  This blog is here to exercise my writing muscles.

What does that mean?

Well basically I am treating my old blog like a bastard child and this is my new baby.   I’m that shitty mommy who dotes on one child then is in constant criticism of the other (and please don’t say it doesn’t happen because I know otherwise!)  One day the old blog will start acting out just to receive attention from mommy, but mommy will only beat the shit out of it to shut it up…..  (this is why I don’t have children)

Married without children is cute, fluffy, and exiting like a new puppy.  The “other blog” is an old dog who ain’t learning new tricks.   You get the picture.

I am trying to treat this blog with more respect, a little like a job.  I want lots of comments. I want the traffic stats.  On my old blog I really never cared.  I didn’t even think I had anyone reading.  On this blog  I want to create great writing and have an audience appreciate it.  I want Married Without Children to be more than a memoir.  I want it to be an interesting journey in my writing development.  So here I am rock you like a hurricane , working to my best ability, and learning on the way.  Maybe one day I will have mad CSS skills.

If any of my friends here has a website or blog send me a comment.  I’ll post your link on this site and my other site ballnchain.wordpress.com.

Anyone reading this blog must check out METALRUS .  It is a fabulous discussion forum for the metal lover in all of us!  There is everything from concert reviews to CD reviews to the occasional MRU gathering!

What I love most about this website are the friends that Hubs and I have made.  Here on this site you get genuine honest metal lovers.  They are fantastic people who are polite, sincere, and really funny.

If you are not into metal, that’s OK.  This site is made for the casual metal lover and the metal fanatic.  There are forums dedicated to all genres of metal music.  In addition, there is great general talk and even a forum for sports and personal training.

Hubs and I feel that this forum is not only enjoyable, but a great way to create lasting friendships.  If anyone is interested in the Maryland Deathfest please read this site.  A group of fellow metal heads will be attending.  The festival is Memorial Day Weekend and is sure to please.  The festival is not only about listening to fantastic death metal (although that is a great reason to attend) it is about a group of metal-loving individuals getting together and celebrating their favorite genre of music.

So please join MRU, today.  I mean it!  I will check to see how many referrals come from my site!

Last night while driving home from work I got a call from Hubs.

“Hello,”  I said.  Actually pretty surprised he called since I was on my way home from work.

“Hey Babe,”  he responded.  Then nothing.  Not a peep for at least 5-7 seconds.

“What’s wrong,”  I demanded.  Every bad and worried thought came rushing into my head.  What if something happened to one of my family members.  What if something happened to the cats.  DID HE LOSE ANOTHER JOB? AHHHHHH

“I’m just still in disbelief,”  he finally replied.

“What the hell happened?”  I was getting antsy now.  I love good gossip and I wanted the dish.

“The Broncos fired Coach Shanahan .”

“What!  Not Shanny!  What are we supposed to do now?  How can we ever watch another Bronco game?  Wasn’t he the coach for like 15 years?”  I replied trying to catch my breath joining in my husbands astonishment.  If I wouldn’t have been at a stop light I would have swerved into oncoming traffic causing a 7 car pile up on Eastern Avenue .

“Actually he was with the Broncos for 21 years, but not as head coach.  He started as an assistant.”

“What the F***”

“Exactly how I feel,”  Hubs said, shocked and saddened.

“Well the Broncos could always hire Coach Billick or Coach Cowher .” I said and finalized the call.  I was pulling in the driveway and we could discuss this once I made it into the house.

I know none of you know this, but my husband is from Denver and a huge Bronco fan.  He moved to Maryland in 1992.  I am a Baltimorean through and through.  After we met and moved in together I forced him to my neck of the woods.  I never was a big football fan, but living with a fanatic sorta forces you to join in on the fun.  His Broncomania has rubbed off on me to say the least, but I do still love my home team, the Baltimore Ravens.  Needless to say news like this is enough to shatter the happiest of Bronco-loving homes.  We are sitting, waiting for who is the next in line for the coaching position.

I wonder how this will affect my sex life?

This is my favorite part of the marriage ;).  My husband and I have been married for 3 years, but prior to that we dated/cohabited for 3.5 years.  In our time together we’ve really learned what make the other tick.  Not only emotionally, but sexually too *wink wink*

Back to the emotional part.  That is the key to having great sex.  Well at least in my book.  If you feel comfortable around your man, you will perform better.  The Hubs and I have become such good friends in addition to lovers that we are really connected.  Sometimes a simple conversation will parlay into…  Well you know.  We like to keep it fun and exciting.  We know what each other likes because of one simple thing.  We ask.  Communication is key.  We love to please each other and knowing how the other ticks and what makes them tock makes it even more fun.

I love sex.  The Hubs loves sex.  What’s my biggest complaint.  Not enough sex.  As a dual income family we both lead busy lives.  The Hubs was even in school for a while.  Sometimes he works nights, sometimes he works days, sometimes I have other obligations.  It becomes crazy-insane to have spontaneous sex.  Sometimes I’ll just ask and it’s 50-50.  If it’s not too late and we’re not too tired then it’s a go.

What then is the solution?  Plan it.  Seriously.  We have to plan everything in our lives.  From work schedules to dinner parties.  We try for once or twice a week, but during the holidays it’s usually less.  I mean last weekend we had 2 dinner parties alone to go to.  How on earth can we:

• Go to work
• Visit family
• Keep the house
• Run errands
• Keep up with exercise
• Have our regular everyday dinners
• Go to the store
• Fix things in the house

And have time for spontaneous sex.  So take my word for it.  If you want to get some, make it part of your schedule.  And you can make it a priority.  If you can allow for an hour 4 times a week to hit the gym then you can allow one hour once a week to bond with your man.  Trust me.  It keeps you close to your man and keeps the marriage awesome.

Well, since I did not get around to posting my Frugal Friday post on well, um, Friday, I thought it would be important to start today.  It’s a little crazy around the house with the holidays, plus I’m a little sick so technically Friday did not even exist in my mind.

The first thing to consider in a frugal relationship is how will you take control of the money.  Will you share the responsibilities or will one person be “in charge.”  In my house I keep the finances straight.  It’s a little tough.  We both have debt and student loans to account for.  But by knowing where your money is going will allow you to get a good idea of how to begin a sensible spending plan.

First take all of your credit card statements, bank statements, cancelled checks, receipts, or any other item that shows an expense  from the last two years.  Go through these items with a fine toothed comb.  This step is a little taxing but trust me it’s worth it.  You will realize where your money is spent and how much money you need to budget a month.  While you are going through the expenses make a category for each expense you find.  Rent, Mortgage, Taxes, Electric, Pets, Medical, Christmas presents, Birthday Presents, etc.  After dividing every expense into a different category total each column up and divide each column by 24.  This will give you a definite dollar amount you need to allocate each month to that category, whether you are spending it each month or not.

I know Christmas only comes once a year, but if you allocate a little each month you will have your Christmas money at hand.  The same goes with birthdays.  If you keep the money allocated each month you will always have it.

This again is the first step in understanding your money.  This will not magically erase debt but it is a great guideline to follow.  After you analyze where your expenses are you can begin to see where your money is going and find ways to save.  Next week we will talk about whether bankruptcy is a good option or not for a couple.

 2008 was a terrible year.  Make that the end of 2007 up until now was pretty bad.  Let me flash back for you so you can understand the predicament my husband and I have been placed in. 

Last year November 9th, 2007, my husband lost his job.  He is currently still unemployed.  Well, not totally unemployed.  He has had temporary jobs and works a part time job as a game tester sporadically.  Finally, we were given a glimmer of hope.  He got a job!  It starts January 12th 2009.  He called me while I was at work to tell me the good news.  We were so happy until…. later.  That same day my “wonderful” company decided on a company-wide pay cut.  

That has been the theme of our lives since getting married in 2005.  As soon as we are up something knocks us right back down to reality.  Then again, that’s life right?  Always unpredictable.  Always changing.

Our lives have been filled with a money pit house, bankruptcy, termites, a roof that is dangerously near to caving in, as well as some of the hardest times I’ve ever seen.  Since we’ve been a one income family for over 13 months I am going to share some frugal tips every Friday to help the domestic diva in everyone.  Beginning this Friday December 26, 2008 I will debut Frugal Fridays.  Follow me on the journey out of debt and into financial stability.